am i? am i not?

Past few years, church seems like a place to go to for fun..... not for God nor Jesus... just for FUN. I was part of the kids "ministry" and really it was all about entertaining the kids. Practicing some kind of dance for a whole month for jus 3mins.... that turned out horrible? Giving coupons? Gifts????

Now ask this - When we go to school do they give you gifts (yes sometimes... but not ALL of the time....) for learning for your own good?

It was just a BABYSITTING centre. While parents go listen to pastors tell them how they can serve- help, donate so that they can be - blessed by God. I mean honestly!!!! Its like another BUSINESS place. It sells promises and makes you open ur wallets WILLINGLY.

I sound so anti-christ right now but i am not. Thats why i am so damn confused. I mean i know one thing for sure is that..... if pa never stayed back last year.... o would never have moved into that condo or even meet Mariko or WeiJun or even see all those amazing sights every morning.....and i KNOW the whole reason pa stayed was that he wanted to follow god... and couldnt follow god by leaving us... or divorcing ma...... cuz he knew it all too well that he would be a hypocrite.... so he didnt..... but i happened again a month b4 we were coming here... but we're still together........ one family back together......and during those two blurry confusing heartbreaking times.... i know i really depended on god....but still....

I believe there is a god....but then look at all those things you know.... but when u put them together.... it jus doesnt colloborate..... it clashes.....

so there's when all the questions come about.....